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Crop Circle Mystery Solved: Drunken/Unemployed Particle Physicists

November 3, 2012

Most of you have probably heard of those magnificent crop circles that show up all around the world. One of the most well-known locations for them is the County of Wiltshire, England which coincidentally happens to be the home of many of my ancestors on my mother’s side that came to America in the 1600’s.  I did a science project on Stonehenge in grade school which is located in the same area.

Thankfully, we have such astute, outspoken physicists such as Michio Kaku (who I admire otherwise) to explain to us that these are created in complete darkness by either unemployed particle physicists (I know that because they must not have to go to work in the morning), or possibly by drunken particle physics graduate students out celebrating passing their latest exam, tearing the guts of their dorm room microwave ovens and running around in the wheat fields microwaving wheat stocks (that was his explanation not mine).  He also mentioned they probably used an extension cord – my engineering estimate is that extension cord would have to be at least a 1/2 mile long for some of those circles and we should find at least a few electrocuted students… So you might ask how do I know they must be Particle Physicists?

Well, just out of COINCIDENCE many of these crop circles appear to show many of the “vibrational modes” predicted by string theory, which my research basically says the “strings” connecting this universe are created by orbital dark matter at a whole host of relativistic velocities. Just out of COINCIDENCE, many of the circles match my models for orbiting dark matter (“Weakly” Interacting Massive Particles) that are orbiting above and through the Earth.  Just out of COINCIDENCE many of these crop circles appear to show rainbow arcs(unfortunately not in color), of which my theory says many are particle orbits.  Just out of COINCIDENCE many of these crop circles appear to show the sun and its Corona harboring these dark matter particles as does my models.    Just out of coincidence many of these crop circles happen to show what I believe is clumped dark matter orbiting through space disguised as comets (I showed this image in an earlier blog).

I have also forever been a supporter of SETI (The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) and have loaded their SETI-At-Home application on many of my computers in the past.  As you probably know Carl Sagan, who I grew up admiring as a kid, was associated with them and so was Jodi Foster (through the movie Contact), who I had a crush on as a kid…

Thankfully, we have Frank Drake (who I also respect otherwise), on the board of SETI letting us know that crop circles are man-made and that the intricate Chibolton Message was made by those same drunken students I mentioned earlier.  According to Frank, intelligence would have to use radio waves to communicate. Well, just suppose our friends are living in those 5 or 6 extra spatial dimensions made of ultra-dense dark matter in those particles that are orbiting around – maybe comets are their cosmic bus…  You remember how I already told you how the intense gravitational pull of those particles red-shifts all radiation leaving them and saps much of the energy out of it?  This might be a problem for long distance communication. It might be much easier to just visit and use your angular momentum (rotation) and gravitational pull to just “whip up” those crops into intelligent patterns and use your Hawking Radiation to microwave and bend them just a bit.

So I don’t know about you, but I sure am glad in knowing that we have open minded senior physicists letting us know that these circles are man-made and to keep our ears to the radio.  I am just a farm boy from Maine so I am not asking you to believe me.  I only ask you to open your mind, open your eyes, put on a pair of dark glasses, look around and come to your own conclusions. I certainly don’t have enough information to tell you they are all man-made like Michio and Frank seem confident of.

I will end with just a couple of things.  We all know that the Earth tends to go through an ice age every gazillion years.  You remember my blog on the two possible scenarios of how the moon was created?  Scenario one said that a massive dark matter particle collided with the Mother Earth and she birthed a new moon made of Earth stuff.  Since scientists believe there is six times or so as much dark matter in the universe than regular matter, I think my scenario is six times more likely (I go with the odds) than another planet or asteroid crashing into us.

So now here is what concerns me just a little.  In 2009 this crop circle appears showing what looks like a pretty massive impact to the Earth of dark matter bursting out the antipode side of Earth (or some planet)  I have not studied all the related circles but I hope it is telling us what happened in the distant past and not what will happen in the near future…

I will end with a bet.  If I am proven right about many of the circles, Michio and Frank have to walk around a large circle in their boxer shorts.  If I am proven wrong I will do it…


Copyright 2012 Stewart D. Simonson
All Rights Reserved

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

  1. Do you know if there has been an interpretation of the last crop circle shown?
    My first impression is of the Meso-American myth of the “Return of Quetzalcoatl.”
    This is an interesting video with a Mayan Ethnographer, though the real meat is in the last 10 min. of the video. The ethnographer discusses a statue with writing that describes a “cosmic wave” hitting the earth around our current time frame:

  2. This is enlightening info for me in either scenario; or is there any correlation or distinction where or how the “idea” is brought forth? As we have physical bodies these forces also tend to swirl . I am a visual artist and depend on those free association times in our days that can reveal revelations that you referred to in your bio as a way to connect to the big idea. Usually for me it has been about smaller shape and form or design issues in an art work or concept. On this point I am commenting on the crop circles portion of your blog. Until now the crop circle phenomena has always left a blank space on my book shelf. The design matrix is so marvelous and the out put of the final product of these objects are perfect /so it is hard not to wonder about the time and energy spent…and why…..Is it possible to make a magic wand from a microwave oven part that can harness and then propel these designs like a Harry Potter scenario? Just a joke, maybe? I have no formal education in physics therefore your blog is an understandable crash course in these dark matters . This a great help for me. Thx
    Sometimes I believe our physical eyes limit our true sight

    • My wand comment was a slightly sarcastic joke directed to our physicists who believe that is how these circles are made. I now believe they are made from an unearthly intelligence that is close by and they are trying to help us but our big egos are discounting them, one of our human problems.
      Sorry for the slow response.

  3. suzanne taylor permalink

    I hope people don’t read fast and miss the irony. Loved it. For true poop — no irony but lots of charm:

  4. suzannetaylor permalink

    What happened to Michio Kaku? Can we pay attention to anything he says? Did the aliens cloak him with stupidity when he looked in their direction? For some more intelligent thoughts about the circles:

  5. suzannetaylor permalink

    Forgot I’d already had a say. That Kaku thing just floors me.

    • Just you saying that made me laugh. The guy should not be running around saying stuff to the public about a phenomena that he has no Earthly idea about and has probably researched very little. I believe the crop makers are using a quick burst of dark matter particle(s) to induce nuclear beta decay (ionizing radiation) upon the crops, just enough to bend them at the knuckle but not enough to kill them. If our crop circle buddies forgot and left the radiation on for too long I think it would create a sinkhole in the ground where it is bending the crops. I am going to checkout your blog. Thank you for the reply.

  6. Patrick permalink

    I always knew it was some sort of man made technology doing this…I thought they were done somehow through sound frequency..just like the sand on the metal plate experiement…thanks for this tidbit! hopefully one day the truth will be leaked. I’m also very open to the idea of the government doing these in order to open the possiblity of aliens to the public in order to create some sort of threat that will scare us into giving away more of our civil liberties..but thats just a hunch

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